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Afraid of myself

Where is the key?
Where is it?
Where did I put it?
Which way should I go? 
I'm completely lost.
I don't know the way anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Who am I?
What am I?
What? What?! What am I?!
Who am I?!
What do I want really?
Why do I feel like I have a memory gape?
Is it normal to have only fragment of memories?
I don't remember when I got lost myself?
I don't remember the trigger of losing myself or when it started.
It hurs so much.
My chest feels pain.
Is it the consequent for bottle up all my problems and emotions?
Anger, frustration, all those I want scream out.
I want to lash out!
I want to cry alout!
I want to trash my room in to mess!
I want to release all my emotion out!
But I don't know how to express my emotion except crying silently.
No, that not it.
I'm afraid that if I unleash my bottle up my emotion, that I will lose my sanity.
I'm afraid that I'm not me anymore.
I'm afraid of my true self.
My inside want out.
Recent posts

Pshyco Pass - OP - 2 Full

I love this song and the anime is also cool~

Call me Gunma-Chan ♥


On Tuesday we received a packed from my grandparents from Japan. I request them to send me a cuddle toy Gunma-chan. A mascot of Gunma prefecture in Japan, where I was born, coz I found the mascot is cute and it's a horse.  群馬  means herd of horses. ヽ(*゚ー゚*)ノ  
First I wanted the biggest of the cuddle toy, which was 70cm. Since they were to big they bought 40cm and 20cm along a phone strap.  My Grandparents also send necktie for my father and few rice cracker for my mother. They also send me a caramel corn... my favorite snacks. At the begin I didn't want any food from Japan, but at the end I lost against my favorite snacks. The reason of my refuse at begin was, coz of radioactive and pollution. Oh well, with luck I wont die from it.

On the tag said: "Call me Gunma-Chan"

40cm big Gunma-Chan

20cm big Gunma-Chan

Sushido and Orchid

How are ya? I'm fine as always.

As you noticed that I have a new header. (^_^) I sketched rough first in "Sketchbook Copic Edition" (found in App Store for free xD), fine sketching in "Photoshop CS3" and finalizing in "Illustrator CS3". The Typographie I made also myself. Such kind typographie exist in many type and yet I like to make myself. xD  
I need update my CS version someday. (;_;) coz in CS5 Photoshop you can turn canvas, not like in CS3. Aside CS5 have cool drawing brushes. *sniff* Oh well, I worked once CS1, which I almost go nuts, coz during transformation you couldn't zoom in and out yet.

Anyway today I went with my mother to Zofingen to buy japanese type tea for tomorrow guest, which we needed to go special shop, like pharmacy shop, bio shop or asian shop. We also went to a new sushi shop, we heard from neighbor, that the sushi is good, so we went buy for lunch. The shop name is Sushido. I can say the sushi is really good and …

Les gourmandises de Miyuko

How have you been? It's been a while that I wrote an entry in this blog. For those who didn't know yet I was released from hospital mid August and the operation went well. I'm Happy that I can eat again. \(^_^)/
But it's not the main theme that I want write about.

On 13th October I went with Tee, Nifi and Jenny to Miyuko Café in Zurich. I didn't see Jenny a year and Nifi I didn't see for 2 years. So I was happy to meet them again. We meet at the trainstation 12:00pm, was it? So we went to the Café. It's small and yet a cute café. We ordered drinks and cake. I had a macha latte, my fav tea drink. We also get 3 different flavor of cakes to share. Those cakes were really sweet, after 2-3 bites you couldn't eat more, coz it was really sweet, yet I ate most of the cake I think. Nifi and Jenny also gave me those cookies that came with the drinks, coz they didn't liked the taste. After we ate, we talked what we gonna do after that and Tee suggest to…

Hospital again

Around 5 weeks ago I had awefull stomage ache and went for checking at Hospital. The checking anwser was that I had an Ilius (read on wikipedia if you don't know what an Ilius are), which needed emercy oparetion. The operation went fine. I had more problem with start eating again, coz my intestine was completly sleeping. I had 1 week stomage tube for empting my stomage insted of throwing up. For the all prozess I stayed 2 1/2 week at Hospital. After I was realesed from Hospital, soon I felt ill again. The more I ate and drank, the more I felt ill. When I throwed up I felt after that better. I stayed 3 days at home, before I went emercy to Hospital again. I had really low water in my body and at hospital they filled with IV water in my body. They tried to feeding prozess again, but I felt soon sick again. Some day the doctor checked my stomage again and one point I had bit pain. So I went checking again and found out that I had one part of my intestine passage is narrow. So I tranf…

Back from Hospital


How have you been? I'm more a less fine, I guess.

As the titel say I was for 2 1/2 week in Hospital. 

On 10th June I had awfull stomachache and I wanted to wait until it became better, but it didn't and on next day, which it was Monday evening I went Hospital and had emergency check. The checking was really long but then they found out that I had second time an ileus. Ileus is a twisted intestine. Yes, it's second time, that I had an ileus. The first one was when I was 3 or 4 year old, which I don't really remember.
The Operation went good and I was happy, that I had no pain anymore.
Soon after the operation they tried to feed me, but at the end I throwed up everything, coz the intestine was lazy. So I had for 1 week a stomache tube through my nose and it was bit painfull. After 1 week I didn't need the stomache tube anymore and started to eat normal food again. So today I could finally go home. During I had stomache tube I was only eating soup. I also lost 3…