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Hospital again

Around 5 weeks ago I had awefull stomage ache and went for checking at Hospital. The checking anwser was that I had an Ilius (read on wikipedia if you don't know what an Ilius are), which needed emercy oparetion. The operation went fine. I had more problem with start eating again, coz my intestine was completly sleeping. I had 1 week stomage tube for empting my stomage insted of throwing up. For the all prozess I stayed 2 1/2 week at Hospital. After I was realesed from Hospital, soon I felt ill again. The more I ate and drank, the more I felt ill. When I throwed up I felt after that better. I stayed 3 days at home, before I went emercy to Hospital again. I had really low water in my body and at hospital they filled with IV water in my body. They tried to feeding prozess again, but I felt soon sick again. Some day the doctor checked my stomage again and one point I had bit pain. So I went checking again and found out that I had one part of my intestine passage is narrow. So I tranfered to a bigger Hospital for inside checking etc. Now I'm getting artificial feeding and at the same time I have stomage tube for empting my stomage, otherwise I have filled acid in stomage, which also make me sick. Beside I have to wait for the next operation, coz my last one was still fresh and they can't operate me to soon. Otherwise I will have long life intestine problem.


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Afraid of myself

Where is the key?
Where is it?
Where did I put it?
Which way should I go? 
I'm completely lost.
I don't know the way anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Who am I?
What am I?
What? What?! What am I?!
Who am I?!
What do I want really?
Why do I feel like I have a memory gape?
Is it normal to have only fragment of memories?
I don't remember when I got lost myself?
I don't remember the trigger of losing myself or when it started.
It hurs so much.
My chest feels pain.
Is it the consequent for bottle up all my problems and emotions?
Anger, frustration, all those I want scream out.
I want to lash out!
I want to cry alout!
I want to trash my room in to mess!
I want to release all my emotion out!
But I don't know how to express my emotion except crying silently.
No, that not it.
I'm afraid that if I unleash my bottle up my emotion, that I will lose my sanity.
I'm afraid that I'm not me anymore.
I'm afraid of my true self.
My inside want out.

Les gourmandises de Miyuko

How have you been? It's been a while that I wrote an entry in this blog. For those who didn't know yet I was released from hospital mid August and the operation went well. I'm Happy that I can eat again. \(^_^)/
But it's not the main theme that I want write about.

On 13th October I went with Tee, Nifi and Jenny to Miyuko Café in Zurich. I didn't see Jenny a year and Nifi I didn't see for 2 years. So I was happy to meet them again. We meet at the trainstation 12:00pm, was it? So we went to the Café. It's small and yet a cute café. We ordered drinks and cake. I had a macha latte, my fav tea drink. We also get 3 different flavor of cakes to share. Those cakes were really sweet, after 2-3 bites you couldn't eat more, coz it was really sweet, yet I ate most of the cake I think. Nifi and Jenny also gave me those cookies that came with the drinks, coz they didn't liked the taste. After we ate, we talked what we gonna do after that and Tee suggest to…

Pshyco Pass - OP - 2 Full

I love this song and the anime is also cool~