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Afraid of myself

Where is the key?
Where is it?
Where did I put it?
Which way should I go? 
I'm completely lost.
I don't know the way anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Who am I?
What am I?
What? What?! What am I?!
Who am I?!
What do I want really?
Why do I feel like I have a memory gape?
Is it normal to have only fragment of memories?
I don't remember when I got lost myself?
I don't remember the trigger of losing myself or when it started.
It hurs so much.
My chest feels pain.
Is it the consequent for bottle up all my problems and emotions?
Anger, frustration, all those I want scream out.
I want to lash out!
I want to cry alout!
I want to trash my room in to mess!
I want to release all my emotion out!
But I don't know how to express my emotion except crying silently.
No, that not it.
I'm afraid that if I unleash my bottle up my emotion, that I will lose my sanity.
I'm afraid that I'm not me anymore.
I'm afraid of my true self.
My inside want out.
Those tears that come out from eyes are the tears of my soul it self.
It want to get out.
It want to be free.
But I'm afraid of losing myself.
But if I keep bottle it up, I will break someday completly.
Unconscious I noticed, that I'm losing myself or did my true self start to show up?
Yet I still conteniue to supress it and at same time I feel worn out.
Did it started at the moment, when I started to daydream and creat my inner world, where I created a psydo character of my desire myself and different life?
I know I'm running away from my problems.
I'm coward for not facing my trouble and life.

When people ask me, what it troubles me. I tell various of the problem that comes up, but one of them feels the right one.
If I'm able to find the real reason, maybe I'm able to fix it or accept it and move forward.


Comments

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    f

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