Skip to main content

Oneside love

sometimes you give impression, that you know me, but reality you don't know anything about me really. If you knew me really, then you wouldn't anger me for a stupid reason. I may show only my kindness side and patience. But I can also show the 180° side of my charakter, my anger side. I also can't garantie, that you will get safe away from me, when I snap. Because when I snap, I lose my control of my mind and body. If you have luck, I will only shout at you and at the sametime I'm crying. Bad luck is that I get violent.
If you are serious with me, then don't write to me a half hearted mails. Otherwhise it will give all wrong impression. I'm sensitiv about feeling and I can if I want catch easly peoples feeling if it's half hearted or serious. Half hearted love hurts same as oneside love.

When I resived you message, that you have problem to grew your love toward to me, then you should tell me that at beginn our relationship and not when we are allready 3 years together.  The message gave me shock and I felt that a pice of my heart broke. You also told me, if it borther me with the currently relationship, then we should break up. But I told that I wont say that words as long I have feeling for you. There is also reason why I can't. If I do that, then it's mean for me, betraying my own felling that I have. I can't and wont betray my feeling. I know it's sound really stubborn, but that what I'm.

I may noticed long time ago, that I feld that your feeling was uneasy toward to me. But I never mentioned and I know that I nerver told about my bother dirct to you, was wrong. Maybe I was afraid of truth or afraid to lose you. A friend of mine pushed my back and I finaly wrote to you, after you left visit me in germany. Aside you are third person that I was in Relationship. first girl and longest relationship that I had.

That how I see you at the moment and my feeling.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Afraid of myself

Where is the key? Where is it? Where did I put it? Which way should I go?  I'm completely lost. I don't know the way anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. Who am I? What am I? What? What?! What am I?! Who am I?! What do I want really? Why do I feel like I have a memory gape? Is it normal to have only fragment of memories? I don't remember when I got lost myself? I don't remember the trigger of losing myself or when it started. It hurs so much. My chest feels pain. Is it the consequent for bottle up all my problems and emotions? Anger, frustration, all those I want scream out. I want to lash out! I want to cry alout! I want to trash my room in to mess! I want to release all my emotion out! But I don't know how to express my emotion except crying silently. No, that not it. I'm afraid that if I unleash my bottle up my emotion, that I will lose my sanity. I'm afraid that I'm not me anymore. I'm afraid of my true self.

drawing with mouse/pad of notebook on photoshop xD

I draw a picture only with mouse/pad of notebook on the photoshop and you will see the moreless how I worked only with mouse/pad of notebook... the first is the sketch, how the pic should look about...   The skin coloration I already worked in the detail and the rest I gave a one color... here you see, that I worked on the detail of the shirt... The End products xD I'm with the hair not really saticfide, coz it was the difficultest part to work in detail... next time... I will take more time... ( I worked only a day)xD

Back from Hospital

Ciao~ How have you been? I'm more a less fine, I guess. As the titel say I was for 2 1/2 week in Hospital.  On 10th June I had awfull stomachache and I wanted to wait until it became better, but it didn't and on next day, which it was Monday evening I went Hospital and had emergency check. The checking was really long but then they found out that I had second time an ileus. Ileus is a twisted intestine. Yes, it's second time, that I had an ileus. The first one was when I was 3 or 4 year old, which I don't really remember. The Operation went good and I was happy, that I had no pain anymore. Soon after the operation they tried to feed me, but at the end I throwed up everything, coz the intestine was lazy. So I had for 1 week a stomache tube through my nose and it was bit painfull. After 1 week I didn't need the stomache tube anymore and started to eat normal food again. So today I could finally go home. During I had stomache tube I was only eating soup. I also